I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
