; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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