you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
