I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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