Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
