I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So much Jack, so little girl.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
