Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
someone threw a dead crab at me
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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