taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
