It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
