I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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