I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
