That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
