fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
