omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
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