Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
