My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
