Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
