Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
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