Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
