Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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