I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
