my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
