Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
