He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
