I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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