I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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