She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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