Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
