why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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