youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
