I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
