He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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