can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
