He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
