she was so not down for the gang bang
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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