you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
