he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
