and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
