I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I deserve this hangover.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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