Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
