i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
