It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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