remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
