i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
