6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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