I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
