you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
