pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
