You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
