Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
