like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
